Why do we continue to love people who make our life difficult? Why do we love people who make us feel secured slaves? I refer to this type of love that makes us suffer and we can not free ourselves. When do we make us realize that we are completely committed and slaves of the person we love? The answer is: when we face the possibility of losing the object of our love when we see before us the possibility of separating, when we think vaguely that the other may leave us and we do not want that it leaves us, when we start to think that our loved one does not like us ... When was the first time, objectively, we think it hurts us and it is necessary to separate us, let us away to always and only made to think makes us feel sick.
In consulting any therapist, it is common to hear confessions following: I am with someone who makes me very hard and I do not know how to get free. I know it hurts me but he loves me very much. Although I know it hurts me, I do not see myself finding someone who loves me like him. Without it (it) I do not want to live, although I know that with her (it), this is not a life. He once told me he loves me not, but I do not think so. He once told me he loves me not, but he says make me suffer because I know he loves me. I know he will never find anyone like me. I know he will suffer if he leaves me and then it will return with me, I'll wait. This is the only person that makes me feel good. He told me that I will never find someone like him, and I know it's true. I do not know why he hurts me if he knows that I love. I am sure he will change and he will not mistreat me. He said he will leave but I know it's only to scare me ... if I leave I do not know what I would do ...
We could go with many phrases like this that all have the same background, that is to say the feeling of bondage to beings that we love, unable to leave even though we know it we not love or that loves us in a way that simultaneously makes us suffer. Usually when a person is in this conflict affectionate, we can discover the following: • The person
love wants the object of love love him (her).
• He wants to be someone important in the life of another person
• The person finds love in the other behaviors that do not meet but she tries to ignore in order not to lose.
• It has an immediate pleasure in being with each other and at the same time sad if it did not. • When
they separated, she feels the concern, fear.
• It has the firm belief that without the other it will never be happy.
In non-pathological feelings of love there is an acceptance of others as he is. There are no requirements to be loved or to love. When he ceases to love us we are fighting to retain it, but if indeed it has stopped loving us, we leave, we do not retain, we will leave an emotional wound that heals. Our ability to love is intact and we believe are capable of loving and being loved again by others.
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